what is coming you say? well it might not be special to you or a national holiday but its an important day for me.
Still no clue? OK… I will be celebrating 47 years on this planet on May 23rd.
I can’t believe its here, I know its not a major milestone birthday but for me it kinda is. This is the birthday that I have looked forward to and dreaded for 19 years. Since the birth of my youngest son I have counted down to this year when I knew I would be an empty nest mom. Like I said yearned for and fought against 😉
And now the time has come and I have been doing a lot of reflecting. Thinking to past celebrations (I have decided to have an old fashioned girly slumber party), goals and achievements (Got my BA!), triumphs and disappointments (graduated all my boys, divorced 3 times) but no matter the trouble to overcome or the joy to share with those I luv its been a journey I would not change in the slightest. I have had a great life so far; its only going to get better with age 😀
So in honor of myself and my time on this planet and all the things I luv I created a list and a board on Pinterest showcasing all my favorite things. It represents who I am, where I come from, the people and things that have influenced me; made me who I am today.
Earlier this month I posted about how my 1st son came into this world and it was such a huge step for me in growing up. When you find out you are pregnant its that moment when you realize that you have a choice, grow up and stop being selfish or continue, and possibly ruin the life of your child. To me motherhood is the ultimate expression of selflessness. I did make a lot of mistakes along the way but am so very, very proud of how my boys have turned out, they are amazing young men. They have been a huge influence on me, you make decisions differently when you have kids. I can’t but help to think about had I made a few better ones how their lives might be better but would not go back and change things because that would change the outcome, they might not be here or might not be who they are, and I LUV who they are, faults and all, mostly because they luv me, faults and all. And they are amazing (can you tell I am crazy about my boys.)
These 2 amazing people had to be the 2nd biggest influences on my life. My parents, Mary Kay and WH (yes thats what it says on his birth certificate!). Gorgeous aren’t they?
They taught me honesty, hard-work, how to grow things in the dirt and to be proud of where you come from. This was a lesson learned recently. I was not proud as a child, my parents were too old compared to the other kids at school, and I did not want to be country, I dreamed of exotic locations and loved the word cosmopolitan. Now I wish for nothing more but to be back in that house with my parents and siblings, just a little ol country girl. They gave me a love of baseball and movies. Of down home cooking, BBQs and the Fourth of July! My daddy was not an educated man but he taught me to think and question things, to debate. Momma taught me how to cook, man I miss her food, and birthdays are never the same without her chocolate cake with cooked chocolate frosting. She also taught me to spoil my babies cause they grow up too fast. Her greatest gift to me was a great sense of self confidence which has seen me through my darkest days. I appreciate all they did for me, the sacrifices they made to make me happy, and I miss them everyday!
Books would have the 3rd biggest influence in my life and Alexander Dumas is my favorite author. I still remember the thrill of reading “The Three Musketeers” the first time, and how I hungered for every word and then devoured all his other works one by one over a long hot summer. This love lead me to other loves and influences, history, art, music, travel. I read, and read, and read, actually an entire library in my small hometown of Empire, CA. My dad had to start taking me into the larger town of Modesto to the big library, and the first time I went there, what a thrill. Such a nerd right? But to a lonely country girl books were a great escape and they made me a better person, I know more, I understand the human condition better, I love deeper, they made me a well rounded person. I have a huge respect for the person who can put their thoughts onto paper for others to share in. Books will always be my best friends.
Movies are the fourth biggest influence, I will probably die watching a movie with a book in my hand (I can never do just one thing at a time). One of my favorite things to do as a child was to go to the movies with my mom. We saw all the Disney movies in this great old 1920s deco theater in downtown Modesto, The State Theater. She always gave me a penny to thrown in the fountain and bought me my favorite candy, M&Ms, then it was being whisked off into a magical land where everything was possible and love always triumphed. If only life was this perfect, but when you find love, real love, it can make you strong enough to do anything, this I did learn. As I got older though, I got to see through movies that life didn’t always have a happy ending but that you could soldier on and “tomorrow is another day“…
This line has gotten me through so many, many hard times, its has been my mantra, it gave me the strenght to carry on and to realize that things would be different at the dawn of a new day.
Vivien Leigh who portrayed the vivacious Scarlett O’Hara in with such perfection had she not won an Oscar it would have been the worst travesty ever on the Academy stage. I believed she was an unstoppable force of nature and yearned to be her, so glamorous and hauntingly beautiful, to have those incredible arched eyebrows, it was not until years later that I learned how badly she suffered from severe manic depression, it broke my heart, but gave me hope as I too had struggled with mental health issues. That if my courageous, fiery heroine was just a wounded, sad little girl inside, afraid of being alone, just like me, actually gave me the courage to be even stronger, to survive that long, lonely night before the dawn of a new day. If she could survive and prosper then so could I. Come on, I got the eyebrow arch down pat, BF hates when I do it to him, knows I mean business when he sees it! If you haven’t seen it then you need to, GWTW, my favorite movie, and a huge influence on my life.
So this post is way toooooo long sorry about that, but for those of you who stuck it out, Gold Stars, now head over to that Pinterest page and check out the other favorite things in my life and what has influenced who I am and what makes me tick and learn a little more about me. Thanks and I appreciate you reading along.